Breathe Me - Sia

Breathe Me - Sia

This song has been played 272 times in my itunes. And for every time that the song has been played, it was played for my sadness. The song provokes my inner weakness; it brings out from within me the pain that I tend ignore. Sometimes I just have to let it out.

I play this song whenever I'm feeling sad, lonely, helpless, lost, or in emotional pain.

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there's no one else to blame

The first verse is the hardest to accept. I can only play this song when I've accepted my mistakes as my own doing. And commonly, I make the same the mistakes over and over again, hence the "I have been here many times before." The pain I feel is mine, and usually it's self inflicting - never directly and not physically - but the risks I take are my decision and the backfire is for me to endure because I made that decision.

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

This is the confession of weakness. A friend, comfort, security, warmth - these are the things I need in a time like this. The strongest line to me is "and breathe me" as in breathe life into me because I've lost it all. Sometimes that's what I need, I need someone to breathe life into me when I feel as if I can't stand on my own two feet anymore.

272 moments of sadness seems like a lot for an 18 year-old girl, but don't worry - the number's high because I put it on repeat!

A Special Quote

“What does it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his own soul?” Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray (Lord Henry Wotton) 

I love this quote not only because of what it says, but also because of whom it came from. 

Lord Henry is a cynical, selfish, and corrupted man who attempts to corrupt Dorian Gray. However, towards the end of the book, Lord Henry makes this statement, and it was a huge break through moment in the book. This was the first time Lord Henry displayed some truth, some deep substance that wasn’t vain and wasn’t imperious. It was real. It shows how Lord Henry, over time, has perhaps come to regret the life choices and views he had.

This connects to me because it makes me want to never regret the way I live my life; I never want to trade my soul to gain the whole world. In a sense, however, I have already attempted this once before. Of course, I didn’t actually lose my soul or gain the world, but I did change myself to fit amongst people whom I thought I needed to be friends with. In the end, I wanted nothing from them because nothing was real. And in the end, I was miserable because I realized that I had no real friends. I chose popularity and fake friendships over having real friends who loved me and was kind to me.

Lord Henry is a classic example of what happens when you choose to chase fame and money instead of love and kindness; you realize that the fame means nothing and that all you want is love and kindness. This quote reflects deeply into me because I have already made my mistake, and now I heavily value love and kindness. But unlike Lord Henry, it wasn’t too late for me to change!